just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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