if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
