that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
