Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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