please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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