At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
