I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
