It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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