I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
