I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
