My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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