the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
