I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
