i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
