Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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