my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
