I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
