How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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