I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
