you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
