Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
