It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
