Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
