i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
