Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
