and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
