maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
