Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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