My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
