I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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