They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
