I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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