She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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