u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
