Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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