I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
