everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
