video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
