My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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