Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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