I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked