Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches