your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be