I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
