That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
