Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children