Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together