The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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