You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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