Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
