i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
