he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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