Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
