I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
