Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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