I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
