I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
