All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
