just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
