So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
