i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
