At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
