so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
