I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
