this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
