She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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